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"I've got a bad feeling about this."

Poetry reading nightly

'Why are you all of a sudden painting a huge knife dripping with blood?'

Racing to Hell

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

Edgar Allen Poe

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

'... And this is my cellar.'

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

Another day at work would be one too many...

Out To Lurch

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Dead Funny

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

"How about if we just winter in hell?"

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

"The Eggsorcist"

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

End the Winter Blues

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

Hell Separates Real Madrid and Barcelona fans.

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

Zombies.

"Housekeeping?!"

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

The practical psychopath