Dark Philosopher Gifts

Grim reaper climbing a death mountain in Iraq.

Cat with Lion reflection in mirror

Spot the Difference - God/Uncle Sam

"I noticed a few browns."

"Mirror, mirror on the wall ... what the heck is up with my hair?"

'I know I don't look like a matinee idol of yesteryear anymore, but neither do they!'

Business man sees himself as a shark

Warning. Objects in mirror my bear no relation to reality.

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

"They're very time-sensitive."

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

'Just tell me. You don't need to drag that out every time I ask how I look.'

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

"Bear with us, will you? -- We're having technical difficulties over here."

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

'I'd trust you anywhere - I think!'

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

Dolly, Twenty Years Later

'I have this constant ringing in my ears. I think I have tinnitus.' - 'Does it sound like an 'eeeeeee' or a 'shhhhh'?' - 'It's like the murmer of a thousand forgotten souls quietly lamenting past sorrows.' - 'Hmmm. I don't have a checkbox for that, sadly.

"I don't think so."

'I'm at the age when everything Mother Nature gave Father Time is taking away...'

Man using straight razor sees electric razor in mirror.

'You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me?'

'I AM going to join a gym, but I've got to get in shape first. . .'

'I know how you feel.'

Well there's something you don't see every day...

Colin thought he looked pretty good for forty-two.

"Posthumously yours."

'The mirror doesn't lie.' 'Thank goodness.'

'I really hope that Fred makes the most of it until she joins him for the rest of eternity!'

"I just reviewed your life...Here's your handbasket."