Dark Humor Delight Gifts

"It's a turkey vulture, and it's got something big. Honey, where's Delia?"

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

'... And this is my cellar.'

Out To Lurch

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

Another day at work would be one too many...

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

Dead Funny

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"How about if we just winter in hell?"

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

End the Winter Blues

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"Housekeeping?!"

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

The practical psychopath

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."