Dark Decor Enthusiast Gifts

"Ah, Stevens—sit anywhere."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

"What are you looking at, four eyes?"

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

'I'm not sure which I like best - the fake fire or the fake man with brandy glass in front of it.'

'Transylvania's most famous Optometrist 'Count Mracula'.'

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

'Welcome to the house warming! The map points out what is furniture and what is sculpture.'

Posh Easter Egg

In case of funky emergency, break glass

"Hedge-fund managers have to have something over their sofas, too."

'Ooh, hey...real hardwood floors!'

"We want it to look lived in, but not necessarily by us."

King Madras

Nick Cave

"You like it? It’s from the MoMA Store!"

"Okay, lady, your new carpet is installed...you can let your dog back in now."

Pea green

"Hey, take me home with you! Position me at a slight angle next to the elegant glass soap dispenser in the guest bathroom. It'll look great, you'll see!"

"The board is going to have to talk to 5-G again."

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

Mid-century Father

Man admires his Cubist Painting.

"That Feng Shui class I took is paying off!"

"Dave, we need to talk about office props and work productivity."

'Yes,I did bag him from a treestand.How did you guess?'

Vincent Van Goth.

'I love what you've not done with the place.'

Woman crushed under satin sheets.

"My son has a magnetic personality. That's why he's always hanging on the refrigerator door."