Dark Ages Dilettante Pillows

Life in the Dark Ages...

Garlic Free Zone.

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

'House wine?'

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

Turn around at the next junction, turn around now! Turn around immediately - you've forgotten your handbags!

'Okay, okay. On second thought, maybe going on a diet isn't necessary.'

'Erm...I ordered the omlette!'

"Past performance is no guarantee of future results."

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"

"My husband is ambidextrous....completely useless with either hand!"

"'Scuse me, Officer, but where do the elite meet to eat around here?"

The singles bar...

'Excuse me - Which way is Southwestern North Carolina?'

'Ambiance or non-ambiance?'

"This next one goes to a special someone who stole my soul... literally!"

"Did I just butt-dial my booty call?"

Time Out Room

'I sure hope this 'timeout' thing is just a phase with Mom.'

'Dressage? But Son, what about something more virile like Rodeo or Polo?'

Novice plumbers replacing a washer in a leaky faucet.

'I don't need a GPS. I'm guided by greed.'

'Lucifer casts out into Hell'

'If you're ready, who wants to go first?'

Man paints himself into corner.

'The only problem being a Beefeater is that I'm a vegetarian.'

"We had special places in hell but what with the influx of baby boomers we're putting people wherever we can."

'I asked them to behave like adults, and they ranted, they raved, and they cussed a blue streak!'