Demonic Dilettante Pillows

"This next one goes to a special someone who stole my soul... literally!"

Garlic Free Zone.

"Well - I've either bought a pack of table napkins, or adopted a Siberian tiger cub..."

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

'House wine?'

"You've called tech-support so often that it was decided that it's more practical if I just come and live with you."

"Go ahead. Click on 'I Am Not A Robot.' I dare you."

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

The Internet - Now available in bookstores

"You told me to make a desktop shortcut, so I did. Just take the shortcut I made through the mess."

'I'm trying to figure out online shopping. I've found some pants I like, but I can't find a fitting room.'

"It's called a mobile... but I've been here an hour and have yet to see it move."

"Past performance is no guarantee of future results."

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"

'Erm...I ordered the omlette!'

"Lost all track fo time with you. 93 unread messages!"

'Okay, okay. On second thought, maybe going on a diet isn't necessary.'

"I'd text you, but I haven't learnt to spell yet."

I'm beginning to realize you can't cram 10 gigabytes of information into a one-gigabyte brain.

The singles bar...

"'Scuse me, Officer, but where do the elite meet to eat around here?"

'You don't do faith healing do you?'

Time Out Room

'Ambiance or non-ambiance?'

'I sure hope this 'timeout' thing is just a phase with Mom.'

"What's my password? Oh yeah... 'OnCe upona thimeh.'"

Angels aren't lackeys - do thine own work.

"I wrote a wonderful eulogy... unfortunately my computer crashed and I lost it."