Demonic Dilettante Pillows

"This next one goes to a special someone who stole my soul... literally!"

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

Garlic Free Zone.

"Well - I've either bought a pack of table napkins, or adopted a Siberian tiger cub..."

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

'House wine?'

"You've called tech-support so often that it was decided that it's more practical if I just come and live with you."

Mayhem, Inc. Part 2

"Go ahead. Click on 'I Am Not A Robot.' I dare you."

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

The Internet - Now available in bookstores

"You told me to make a desktop shortcut, so I did. Just take the shortcut I made through the mess."

'I'm trying to figure out online shopping. I've found some pants I like, but I can't find a fitting room.'

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"

'Erm...I ordered the omlette!'

'Since we modified your daughter's digital cellular structure, she's experienced a lot of ringing in her ears. If you need me to check her status, I'll be on call.'

"It's called a mobile... but I've been here an hour and have yet to see it move."

"Lost all track fo time with you. 93 unread messages!"

"Past performance is no guarantee of future results."

'Okay, okay. On second thought, maybe going on a diet isn't necessary.'

"I'd text you, but I haven't learnt to spell yet."

I'm beginning to realize you can't cram 10 gigabytes of information into a one-gigabyte brain.

"'Scuse me, Officer, but where do the elite meet to eat around here?"

The singles bar...

'You don't do faith healing do you?'

Frank, you're partly cut out of this picture! Kids these days know their gadgets but nothing about where food comes from. I hired a kid to work on the farm and that photo is what I got when he heard the word "crop."

"I wrote a wonderful eulogy... unfortunately my computer crashed and I lost it."

"How could I flunk? All my answers came straight from Siri."

Time Out Room

'I sure hope this 'timeout' thing is just a phase with Mom.'

"What's my password? Oh yeah... 'OnCe upona thimeh.'"

'Ambiance or non-ambiance?'