Dance Humor Fan Gifts

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Zombie standup

The Rooster Comedian.

"Alexa, play Thriller by Michael Jackson."

At the primate speech center, Mokobo tries some stand-up comedy...

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

"Am I sensing fear?"

Feline Stand Up - 'Fetching...how dumb is that? And another thing I don't understand...what's with all that TAIL WAGGING?'

A dog on the sidewalk has a 'walk me' sign, begging for a walk.

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

Hooray for Bollywood!

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

"Today let's work on changing channels, drinking with a mouthful of food, and yelling at the TV all at the same time."

Stephen Fry

'Peanuts, popcorn, steroids!'

No, they're not divorced --- She said that's her "ox-husband."

I e-bay t-shirt.

"Let's try it again. Hand over your wallet, and this time, don't try anything funny."

"Heelllllooooooo, Roswell!!"

Optometrist Humor

'Take Gerald a cup of punch or something, I think he's feeling left out.'

Ted Cruz announced he's running for president. He's not going to win. He was the first to announce. No first-announcer has won since 1952. Besides, his name's too similar to Tom Cruise. And Tom Cruise is so not in right now. HOJ. We should have our own political show. If I an do it shirtless, I'm in.

"Come on guys, my jokes aren't that bad!"

Musical Note Nail

Woody Allen

Woman breaks up with two-headed man.

Four ballerinas

The Stand-Up Gastroenterologist

Spiderman at the Improv

"That's what I hate about whale parties – no room to dance and they always run out of krill."

"I Can't Dance... The Doctor Accidentally Gave Me Two Left Feet!"

"Sure, he's not tall, dark or handsome....but he makes me laugh."

"He's surprisingly sensitive about heckling."