Dance Floor Humorists Gifts

'Now that's what I call a miracle, not only can he make the dead walk...he can make them tango as well.'

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

'And though he died during the hunt, we can only assume that George L Jones would want this new species of butt-faced clown monkey to forever bear his name.'

4-Panel: (1) 'Did you read this article on cockroaches?' (2) 'It says scientists have confirmed conditioned reflexes in cockroaches, just like Pavlov's dogs. I don't know if I believe that!' (4) 'What's for dinner?'

After the latest pay bonus and benefit awards you've won, I've decided to join you on the shop floor.

Newton discovers surrealism

Lie detector, "It's a goddam liar bird all right."

Harbor Hotel: 'Absolutely NO swashbuckling after 10 PM'.

"I Can't Dance... The Doctor Accidentally Gave Me Two Left Feet!"

"NOBODY LISTENS ANYMORE."

'This is a first Mr Cowbird. You've contracted mad cow disase and the bird flu!'

Robot porn.

Eggs That Were Anagarms In Past Lives -'Unscramble Me'.

Online articles are fine, but I miss being annoyed by the fragrance sample cards in print magazines.

Sign on shop: Headquarters: 'Business People for Peace'. Man walks out of shop wearing t-shirt with slogan 'Make money not war'.

"This next arrow should shake things up a bit!"

'Steel tipped safety boots? You don't trust my dancing skills?'

Nijinsky Moving Company . Ballet dancers.

Rudy, do you remember when I experimented with genetically engineered produce? Yeah. And I created an enormous evil zucchini. Yep. Why? No reason. Do you have a 12-foot paring knife? Uh-oh. Huge carrot! Run!

...and we guarantee the passage of time for the life of the watch!

'You keep promising me you'll change, Reginald, but I haven't got all day!'

Carol singers at Anagram Company singing 'Listen Thing' instead of 'Silent Night'.

'Hip!'

"Oh super! Why do I always draw the short straw?!"

In evolutionary terms, the "fight or flight or self-deprecating humor response" was brief.

"But if he's right, it'll save us years of experimenting."

'Of course you have a choice. You can have it in your bowl...or on the floor...what's it to be, Mister Choosey?'

"Let Halliburton clean it up."

'I'd just like some inarticulate Posies.'

"You blame this on the 4 martinis I drank. I blame it on the Bossa Nova."

Winooski - A camp for sort of gifted boys.

"The test calls for a pirouette, sir. Arabesques don't really tell us enough."

'His music teacher says he has Van Gogh's ear for music.'

"Hey, what do you know - a lefty."