Daily Office Life Gifts

'It's just a paper cut but you can't claim it is work related. You told me you work in a paperless office.'

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

"My email is down... talk to me."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

In basket-case.

'That's our mission statement.'

Copycats

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

In/Out/These Things Happen.

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."