Dad Joker Pillows

"I dooon't know this sooonngg. I'm just heeeere with my daaaaaughter and her frieeeends."

Father's Day.

'Dad, try to catch some jellyfish to go with my peanut butter.'

Father's Day

"Oh, yeah! Well my dad says St. Joe is too the patron saint of coffee!"

"Spoiler Alert!"

Cry babies.

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

Get crazy once in a while

'So far I've found out the doctor had something to do with it.'

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

"Look, honey, I got dinner on line!"

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

"What do you call a person who only eats corn?"

"Hey, Mom! Check it out! Dad converted his gardo paints to passenger pants!"

"I love my new tie! I'll wear it to work tomorrow." "The report'll be done shortly." "Excellent!"

'Want to freak her out? Stare over her shoulder without blinking for 10 minutes.'

'Here comes your Daddy - Do you want me to do the talking?'

'I must be going through a mid-life crisis.'

'That's a picture of my granddad with shoulder length hair and a beard. That's why mom calls these albums hair looms.'

"Harry?... Is that you?"

Hammer and chisel discussing what they've been doing, chisel says; 'Oh you know, getting into a few scrapes.'

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

"Sure was a lot of screaming for the happiest day of your life."

"Bogeyman under your bed? Oh, no, sweetie, there's no room under there… unlike your closet."

"No more tickling Daddy for awhile, 'kay Puddin?'"

'Hey guys?. . . Help us think what Dale could do for his '15 minutes of fame.''

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

'Mom says she has a souffl

Father and son with matching beer crates.

'...I thought Einstein had a theory on 'relatives'...'