Cynical Soul Pillows

"I'm not sure the positive thinking course had the desired effect."

"It's just that I'm more of a 'fade, weep, disengage' kind of person."

The Cynics.

The Zoo.

'The Questioner'

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Me? I have a strong urge to devote my life to making the world a better place for all humanity."

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

Famous Oxymorons...

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

"What does it all mean?"

Will Self deprecation

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

When Stupid People Get an Idea

"...He broke your heart, did he? Well, I can't say I didn't see this coming!"

'You've got bad news? Hey, that's good news!'

"Diogenes, this is Washington, D.C. It's probably the worst place to look for an honest man."

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."

"He's a widowed eighty-year-old billionaire with a 'Do Not Resuscitate' tattoo...what's not to like?"

Once a politician is elected, his work is over.

'That's it?'