Cynical Spirits Pillows

Born Cynical,,,,

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Me? I have a strong urge to devote my life to making the world a better place for all humanity."

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

Someday

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

Will Self deprecation

Space Tours. Ernie, in this interview promoting your space tours, you didn't acknowledge the first test rocket was vaporized in a huge launch pad explosion. I said "The first test yielded spectacular results!" There's nothing about your lack of a system to provide oxygen for the travelers. I informed people "the experience will leave you breathless!" Lots of your technology is straight out of the 19th century! I said "Come be a pioneer!" It seems most of your company's effort went into th

Gullibility Test $1.00.

When Stupid People Get an Idea

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

"...He broke your heart, did he? Well, I can't say I didn't see this coming!"

'You've got bad news? Hey, that's good news!'

Once a politician is elected, his work is over.

"Diogenes, this is Washington, D.C. It's probably the worst place to look for an honest man."

"He's a widowed eighty-year-old billionaire with a 'Do Not Resuscitate' tattoo...what's not to like?"

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

Black Friday

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

'Yes is no longer god enough. Can I get an Amen?'

'That's it?'