Cybersecurity Consultant Gifts

Berlitz guide to Scamese

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

The Anti-Agent

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

'Who changed the password to 'arf'?'

"Always remember, sweetheart, that when the service is free, YOU'RE the product!"

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

"My hackers just collapsed your country's economy."

'With the increase in hacking, the I.T. department has proposed sealing all of our data in blister packs.'

"I brought back important data on that blue planet called Earth."

'We subpoenaed all of 'Mr. Big's' electronic messages. They're in morse code.'

"That's odd. I visited an antibacterial soap website, and my computer got a virus."

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

"It's so cute when the boss brings his son to work and pretends to let him help out!"

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

"It's not my fault! The Russians must have hacked my brain!"

"No, Mother, I don't think Julian Assange is going to leak your recipe for fruitcake."

"Check the setting. I'm sure the CIA isn't hacking into our appliances just to burn your toast."

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

"Good heavens William, what have you downloaded off the internet this time?"

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

"Looks like Brandon got caught with his hand in the password jar."

Do you have a phone with recording capabilities? I want to be able to carry a wire when I meet with my boss.

"It's a fantastic computer! It's so old that none of today's hackers know how to hack it!"

"Careful! He knows computers."

'...And, from what I understand, they don't have any hard drive at all.'

Privacy - Surveillance

'We're looking for somebody to work on our new top secret project. Can you tell me what kind of experience you have?'

"Don't deny it. You only wanted me for my metadata."