Internet Safety Consultant Gifts

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

The Anti-Agent

Hate Platforms

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

"That's odd. I visited an antibacterial soap website, and my computer got a virus."

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

"No, Mother, I don't think Julian Assange is going to leak your recipe for fruitcake."

"Check the setting. I'm sure the CIA isn't hacking into our appliances just to burn your toast."

Dad Trophies

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

"Good heavens William, what have you downloaded off the internet this time?"

'We're looking for somebody to work on our new top secret project. Can you tell me what kind of experience you have?'

"Careful! He knows computers."

"Looks like Brandon got caught with his hand in the password jar."

"It's a fantastic computer! It's so old that none of today's hackers know how to hack it!"

"Don't deny it. You only wanted me for my metadata."

Do you have a phone with recording capabilities? I want to be able to carry a wire when I meet with my boss.

'...And, from what I understand, they don't have any hard drive at all.'

Roger Buffle Jr. supplies his father with yet another computer password.

"Thanks for considering me for the job as head of cybersecurity, but I already hacked into your network and gave myself the job."

Clickbait

"So who is this First pet?"

Cyb-R Safe: Offering the most convincing illusion of on-line security available today!

'Kumor's responsible for all the computer passwords, so the boss had him encrypted.'

"Honey, are we watching TV or is it watching us?"

'Maybe a firewall isn't enough to protect our computer from worms and viruses. That's why I additionally installed this fence!'

'Well look, here come the hackers!'

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"