Cyber Vigilante Gifts

"Please enter the last 4 digits of your SSN...or enter all 9. They're all over the dark web."

"The jocks bullied me in gym class, so I erased all the data on their computers. They should know never to mess with a computer geek."

Lynching on social media

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

"You're stealing from the rich and selling it to the poor on Craigslist?"

Guide to Contagious Diseases.

It appears to be some sort of computer virus.

The new global mantra flag for the future

About 40% of the nation's coronavirus deaths could have been prevented...

Statue of Liberty and Hand Sanitizer

You can relax now.

Johnson allows the Delta variant to run wild in Britain

"I want one that detects intrusions by hackers, then blows their computers to bits!"

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

"Maybe a little inconvenient, but not a single case of the flu in the entire office."

"Boy, has it been hacked!"

Guns won't help

"My owner used me irresponsibly and now I have a virus."

"He's just discovered that out 450,000 blog rebuttal campaign was directed against a 12 year old in Swindon using his mums computer."

'Computer crime seems to be on the rise.'

'Drugs' 'Viruses'.

I've got to monitor all chatter in the cafe to prevent future pastry thefts. I don't know … What if you've got a scone thief for a neighbor, or a friend, or even a family member? Sure, today it's just a scone. But the next attack could be huge – the big one! You don't mean … Hoagie. They're trying to destroy our whole way of life.

"Tonight, Daddy's going to teach you how to stay save on the internet."

"Someone hacked into his account. It's the third time this month he's renamed his cat."

Computer Virus

"My goodness, Gurkenham! This is the worst case of identity theft I've ever seen!"

Ebola Clinic

'Well doctor, is it serious?'

Computer password.

'Hacking into our system is one way to get my attention.'

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. I wish I had emotions like people do. I wish I could think as logically as people do. I'd like to take a walk along the shoreline without rusting. Storing energy in a battery rather than a pot belly would be nice. Having a sense of humor would be fun. The ability to selectively delete memories would be great to have. I wish I didn't have to worry about digital viruses. I wish I didn't have to worry about biological viruses.

Fair readers, please accept these personal tips for remaining healthy and germ free. Public service announcement! Keep your stress low. Exercise, eat right, hydrate and try to get a little affection in your life, if you get my meaning. If you use someone else's computer, wipe down the keyboard with alcohol to kill the germs. Ditto with the mouthpiece of a borrowed cellular phone. Don't touch anything or anyone. Bathe yourself in hand sanitizer. Don't leave the house, and if you do, don't inhale

'I'm pleased to announce the newly-created 'Office of Homepage Security' - to protect against computer hackers.'

"I do wish they'd hurry up with that vaccine, so I can get back to worrying about dying of something else."