Cyber Crime Buff Gifts

"I'm getting old. . . I only got 17 hate comments!"

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

Algorithm 'n' Blues

"It's a fantastic computer! It's so old that none of today's hackers know how to hack it!"

"To retrieve password: Please answer your secret question, which is, 'what is your password?' hahahaha!"

"I worked hard, I played hard and I embezzled hard."

'What a day! Caught between a Wiki leak and a document dump.'

'By the looks of these skid marks, Humpty didn't fall- he was pushed!'

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

"Looks like he's been salted, Sarge.2

"Yes, I'm a superhero. I'm not attractive, muscular or charming because I work in the 'cyber crimes' division."

I'd rather be phishing.

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

"I can't access my homework because I forgot my password."

"What happened to the good old days when people just breached contracts?'

"Dumb ass, huh! Well there's more than one way to grill a thick sausage."

Black market trade in foodstuffs is thriving.

'We know the elephant died when he jumped off the roof. But the other guy? It's a mystery.'

"It's easier to make 'em talk when you just cement the feet."

"This is a special place we have for phishing scammers!"

'Hello? IT? Yes, there's been a breach in security and I'm concerned about unauthorised access to my personal details.'

"I couldn't afford an antivirus, so I installed a sneeze guard instead."

"To prove I'm human, and not a spam bot, this site wants me to solve the mystery of the universe. Why couldn't they just ask if fire is hot or cold?"

The Brains of the Outfit

'I'm taking a poll. Do you feel safe in your own home?'

"We're cyber criminals, Barnes, NOT common criminals. Go get cleaned up and look like you're tech-savvy."

'No, you can't fake your own death and leave all your money to yourself.'

Practicing for the lie detector test...'I have only $800 in the bank. I was never in Chicago. I know nothing about the dog food business.'

The Professionals.

'Remember when your identity was stolen? I just bought it back on eBay.'

'We suspect someone in this department of Internet piracy.'

'Well look, here come the hackers!'

"All right, which one stole your identity?"

"It's free, but they sell your information."

"Millions at risk from identity theft - good thing I'm safe."