Cv Scrutinizer Gifts

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

'I see from your C. V. that you're my son...'

Opportunities in Coronatimes

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"Honey, are we watching TV or is it watching us?"

Nuclear Security Summit

CATCHY NAME

Woman is shocked at seeing her weight, she doesn't realise that her dog is also on the scales.

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

'Tell me more! That's my favorite symptom!'

'Well, what about the two month gap in my reume? I fell into my sofa at home.'

"A vibrant imagination is an excellent quality for the job...but not the CV."

'Call this one -I like short resumes.'

Good news, I reduced your sentence from 250 years to 150 years!

HR worker wading through CV's.

"Your CV is very impressive. We're interested in the person who wrote it."

"There must be an app for this..."

"Yes, you paid for the product and the plan, but there's an extra charge for actually using it."

'Quick - tell me something about yourself not on your resume that will snap you into focus.'

"Government requires that we lower the bar."

Truth in Labeling: 'Snouts, lips, jowls, cheeks and viscera enclosed in intestine and served on a bun, Mustard optional.'

'Hey, there's a spot - pull in there!'

'I'm just sorting through the latest job applications now.'

'This is the worst CV I've ever seen!'

"My last job was as a mine interpreter...I would go to a park and describe what the mime was trying to convey."

The System is a Punishment for a Past Life

'I'm sure you are proud of being a world record holder. But having 7,935 different employers in one month isn't something I'd put on my resume.'

"Boy, you really know how to mess up a guy's resume."

"Hmmmph! They said the Space Program doesn't have room for me!"

"If you used the 'Idiot's Guide To Writing Resumes', try us when we're hiring idiots."

Gonzo Marketing - batteries not included in batteries.

"Aside from Domino’s, China Palace and Lupe’s Fiesta Garden, do you have any professional references?"

'Your assets speak for themselves. They say 'no'.'