Cv Compiler Gifts

'I perched on Blackbeard's shoulder for three years, then went to work for Long-John Silver...'

The Computer Bore

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"If you're smart enough to design a robot to do your homework, then you're certainly smart enough to just do your homework."

"I bet you're curious about what's going on in the R&D Department."

Back to work...

Friday

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

"It's me. I'm calling in sick of it."

'Your CV says in your last job you were responsible for...'

'I just wanted to thank you for grounding me to my room for the weekend. I took the time to start a computer programming company, which earned me $13 million.'

'31 years in graphic design eh, so I shouldn't be surprised you've retouched your photo on your CV.'

You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it.

Telephone message - 'This is a recording. If you'd like to speak to a real live human being, forgetaboutit.

'Sorry, we can't offer you a job but we would like to publish your CV.'

"Siri meets Alexa" "What can I help you with?" "I'm sorry, I can't answer that."

'The boss said to get rid of all the pirated software before he returns, which will be in about five to ten years.'

Engineer on the move.

Robot Waiter

'We programmed it to simulate living conditions in the year 2000, and it's become hysterical.'

"I'm afraid you neglected to submit the proper development permit application."

Being unable to clearly articulate responses to interview questions is a common mistake...

"Real estate values soar, cute boutiques proliferate, fine cuisine abounds. These are exciting times to live in Hoboken."

"In your CV under 'experience' all you've written is 'YIPEE!'."

"Nice work! Combining artificial intelligence and voice capabilities, we finally we have a product that can actually sell itself."

"If you ask me, this guys is way too intelligent!"

"Yes, I suppose attention seeking may be considered by some as an asset, but frankly we need more than that."

Pasadena Playhouse War

"Where would you say you are on the confidence/cockiness spectrum?"

"You have excellent academic credentials and a wonderful work history but we try not to profile people."

"Gnork invented the wheel, Shnorz invented the hand axe, and my genius paints lines and circles. . . what do you want to do with it? Maybe building something where you can look at cat pictures? Hahaha!"

"Just remember one thing. You wouldn't have your artificial intelligence without my actual intelligence."

"I've applied the Paper Reduction Act to my resume."

"Anything else...apart from the wheel?"

'We don't believe a word of this c.v... And we'd like to offer you a job.'