Cute-absurdity-lover T-Shirts

'It's so cute when he walks himself!'

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

Glance Exchange

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

Extreme Sisyphus

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

"Now you can send it."

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

"Valet park only"

"Who's next?"

"Squirting flower, squirting flower...."

Herding lava back to the fire pit.

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'

One way only.

Ship upsidedown in a bottle has rescue boat in bottle next to it.

"Remember that time I let you steer the boat and we crashed and had to swim here to die? Remember?"

"It's my helper trout!"

A convenient attack of swine flu...

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

UFO and snowman

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'

Baseball.

'I'm about to die and now I realise I have REALLY BAD breath!'

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

'I predict that the next big trend will be spontaneous non-existence.'

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"