Cutback Survivalist T-Shirts

'Due to cutbacks on your insurance plan, your visits to Dr. Phil are no longer covered. You'll have to start seeing Physician's Assistant Phil.'

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

Desert Island Meals.

'Thank-you God.'

"I dunno, looks like a trap."

Problem Solving: Man rows desert island to land.

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

"I just hope the world doesn't end before people can see our outfits."

'Arf! Arf!'

"We hardly ever intercept hard copy notes anymore, Stanley."

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

'Let's put it this way Tommy, if we could go below F minus you would be forging new territory!'

"Yes, I'm alone."

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'My class is so large and my seat so far back, I feel like I'm taking a distance-learning course.'

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

'I'm reporting you to the Department of Education!'

'I'm glad to see you've started building a boat.'

Anti stress week: For God sake don't miss it!!

'I know Lazarus software retrieves lost data, but I don't think it helps when your dog eats your homework.'

"Yes, I'm sure of my 3 wishes - I wish I had a pen, I wish I had paper to write a 'rescue me' note, and I wish I had a bottle to send it in"

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

'I hear they're letting you go. Your family must have paid the ransom.'

"Thankfully, this year, the results can be attributed to something other than our own gross incompetence."

'Remember, son, don't believe any thing you hear and only half of what you see.'

Bob liked a challenge, and the shipwreck gave him something to get his teeth into.

Prepper Dog

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

"Why can't we just have a normal home security system like the neighbours."

Santa Claus delivers present to man stranded on desert island.

'Well, that's simplified the mission statement.'

'My teacher sends report cards as PDF attachments. Luckily, my parents have no idea how to open computer files.'

'On the other hand, if I never finish anything I can't be a complete failure...'

'Do you have to be so melodramatic?'