Customer Service Wizard Gifts

I admire his PASSION, I REALLY do but 4am Powerpoint presentations on improving customer satisfaction ratios can be a LITTLE wearing!

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Why do you need so many computers?" "One for billing, one for stock control, one for human resources, one for financial management..."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"It's my intelligence, talent and hard work that have got me to the top."

'Bread, milk, cereal, sugar, sausage, potatoes, beans, biscuits. Click! So easy, but I do miss the sexy till lady.'

"Siri, find an ICU near me."

'Not only will it do the work of ten people, it will scare 40% more work out of the rest of the employees.'

Tech support...can I help you!

'I'll take the one on the right.'

'He was always too busy to sit for his portrait.'

'I found this sales plan from 1977 ...'

'We'll talk later, Ed, but for now we have a quick and dirty solution to your objections.'

'It's amazing! I'm a magician! I can make a weekly wage disappear in four hours!'

'This is Osgood, our most essential man -- he thinks up new ways to limit warranties!'

"I'm looking for a Father's Day gift. What kind of wrench says 'I love you'?"

Start the session by doing something unusual.

math faculty

'A penny for my thoughts. Now accepting all major credit cards.'

'... And for $50 more, this is the same basketball shoe in a turbo model.'

"I'd like you to consider some of our exciting career opportunities working for anyone else but me."

Handy-lion

Fast Food Restaurant

Manual Labor.

"It's just me, the algae-eater. Mind if I tidy up a bit in here?"

I got the raise

Illogic Tree

'We're not interested in how you work with people, just computers.'

"As you insist everything must be in triplicate, meet my new secretaries."

"I don't know how to do fractions, but I do know how to build a computer that does them for me."

True Loves

The Solution!

"If you think my service is bad. . . wait 'til you taste the food!"

Silly sausages

"Goodbye, masked consultant. And thanks for reducing our inefficiencies."