Customer Satisfaction Superhero Gifts

"...And there has been a rapid decline in the number of complaints."

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

'This fish isn't tank broken - I want a refund!'

"Can I talk to someone who knows something?"

"We rolled your account over, sir, and that just made it worse."

"Great idea of yours to offer their money back if not satisfied."

"So we've managed to consolidate all our multinational 24 hour hotline support centres down to one Single Point of Contact... and here he is."

Sales tied in knots

'Rabner is tops in customer retention.'

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

"Our latest survey shows our customers basically want just three things: prompt service, and apology when mistakes occur and to be treated politely..."

'I see you've found a cure of the 'new car fever'.'

Friendly banks and Cold and aloof banks.

"It pains me to tell you this, but it ain't broke."

"If you think my service is bad. . . wait 'til you taste the food!"

'Sir, our sales force has just taken Atlanta.'

'Of course it's cold. We serve breakfast anytime, but we only make it in the morning.'

"I used to wait tables but I found I was more suited to producing movies."

'Hey that's our waiter on his way home!'

Wal Max - Complaints Department

'You've got to give it to Jim, there's nothing he won't do for his customers.'

'Please remember how silly and humiliating grinding pepper is when you figure my tip.'

'I just asked if you were finding everything alright. I never said I worked here.'

'On behalf of our cabin crew who have voted in favour of strike action over Christmas. . . kindly fill out this form. Please send us your questions and comments about how the strike has effected your plans, ruined your holiday. . .'

"I want three of you serving customers all day - two if we get busy."

Grocery store has no data team to help with customer's shopping experience.

Working hard to maintain customer relations

"I can't take the job in customer relations. I hate the customers. How can I possibly deal with their relatives?"

"Joey, Joey, Joey! It's like he's taken over this whole store! Well, I'm sick of it! This place is not about being lazy! It's about good products for good prices! It's about customer service! But does anyone car? Does anyone notice? When does hard work pa

'We're all out of the (bar code) but can I interest you in the (different bar code)?'

Harold Was Done Asking Customers About Their Day

"The pensions industry needs to dramatically improve the way we communicate with customers."

Despatch Dept - Sorry, your order is late sir, everybody's away on an 'Improve Customer Relations' course.

"Mustard? Ketchup? Mayo? Talk to me, old man."