Customer Experience Aficionados Gifts

Friendly bank/Formal bank.

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

'The customers' suggestions make a lot of sense. I say, let's hire the customers and fire the staff!'

"Our latest survey shows our customers basically want just three things: prompt service, and apology when mistakes occur and to be treated politely..."

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"This conversation may be recorded for training purposes, depending on how well we confuse you."

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

'No, we don't take complaints, we SELL complaints.. If the sign said POPCORN, you wouldn't try to GIVE me popcorn, would you?'

"I'd recommend this."

'You've been friendly to a customer? You anwered his question competently and solved his problem?? Don't you dare to do that again, mister!!'

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

'Sir, our new automated telephone system saves us $20,000 annually, but our phone business has dropped 66%!'

"Will that be for here or to go?"

"Now, I wonder whether you'd be kind enough to complete our customer feedback survey?"

"One final question... how did you hear about us/"

Sharings,,,formerly complaints,

'Could you show me something that's more feature laden?'

The competition's customer vs our customer.

"Right, shall we delay the discussion on customer care again and look at the urgent issue of declining sales and plummeting profits."

Suggestions Box

"I can't take the job in customer relations. I hate the customers. How can I possibly deal with their relatives?"

"It won't be long - we're in the process of hiring a cook now."

'Waiter, your tip's getting cold.'

'Why on earth did you ask the customer if there was anything else you could do for him??!'

"You forgot the straw."

"Don't you DARE argue with me you ***(****) or I'll **** your ****."

Ring Bell for Service.

"I want to complain about how long I've had to queue to make my complaint."

"It's fancy-schmantzy. I just wanted fancy."

"The customer is always right....the customer is ALWAYS right..."

'How can we see our service through our client's eyes?'

"Why don't you try THIS instead?"