Custody Connoisseur T-Shirts

'Great news, honey-bunny. My divorce finally came through, and I got the kids.'

'Your wife gets custody of the children, and you get custody of the babysitter.'

Bookworm Sleepover

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

"OK, last time: Cado teak lounge chair from Denmark – me. Doggy bed – you."

"Well, it's disappointing: Young Master seems to use the term 'best friend' for anybody who pays him the slightest attention..."

"This seat with extra legroom is great."

Electric Blanket.

"I'm afraid the price would make him toss and turn all night for months!"

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

"They remove people who have become 'jammed in armchairs' due to COVID 19 lockdown!"

'Idle' Home Exhibition

Workout clothes: 'One size fits none.'

Who's a cutey?

Bats with blankets.

Second aid

"I hope he's wearing pants."

'Why is laying around watching movies considered cozy, but laying around watching football is considered lazy?'

"That will be the gold standard by which all other naps are judged."

Pre-Winter Ennui-'Hon, did you have the furnace checked?'

"I suffered a stroke."

"Uh oh, here come more regulations."

"They've got insulation to die for!"

"Just think how much we could save if we switched the heating off altogether."

"You're stealing the blanket."

"You got custody of us, mommy, because you're the very best attorney picker."

"Don’t call the fire department — this is the most relaxed I’ve felt in years."

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

"FYI – your camel hair blazer started it."

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

A tailor measuring a jacket.

"My kitchen is very small. Do you have any with doors that swing in?"

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

'Hoo boy, yes! B-o-o-o-ring!!'