Custody Champion T-Shirts

"You got custody of us, mommy, because you're the very best attorney picker."

"Your wife gets custody of the children."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"I won it for being the most noncompetitive in preschool."

A Tit for Tat.

Janey then realized that babysitting isn't easy...

"Having nannies really changes you."

Not much money, glory, or praise

'Honey, what's wrong?! Why are you crying?'

Mother pushes twins on a double-decker swing.

'Don't be surprised if he throws that life preserver at you. I got him at a rescue shelter.'

Cleaner playing pool with brush.

Mother racing to work for a company with day care and a health club.

Fathers are Heroes

'Well at least your washing up arm is O.K!'

'I was going to text you an apology for medical negligence ... but my phone is in there.'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

'He's got his shoes on the wrong feet again.'

Mind them while I go shopping and I'll give you 50 bucks extra!

"I went through hell to get them adopted."

The four freedoms: freedom to bark, freedom from fetching, freedom to sleep on any piece of furniture, freedom from leashes.

Sports Lawyers

'When the bough broke, did the daycare center's insurance rates go up?'

"Being a mum is a full-time job."

"Where would young families be without grandparents as unpaid childminders?"

'I haven't been campaigning for a creche all these years for nothing - you're going!'

'I came untucked.'

''Honor thy father and thy mother'? -- What about custody disputes?'

Birthdays were always better at Mom's.

'Well, if I have rights, I demand the right not to be neutered!'

"The custody battle could go on for months, and cost you a small fortune. Why don't you just buy yourself ANOTHER dog?"

Lawyer's in and out boxes say pro bono & anti bono.

'You like that? Okay, ONE MORE TIME! The wheels on the bus go round and round!...'

'What I like most about my mom is that she always supersizes her hugs.'

"I'm not surprised that lady's so fat. . . The baby's been blowing her up for hours."