Custody Champion Pillows

"You got custody of us, mommy, because you're the very best attorney picker."

"Your wife gets custody of the children."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

A Tit for Tat.

"I won it for being the most noncompetitive in preschool."

Janey then realized that babysitting isn't easy...

"Having nannies really changes you."

'Why did the chicken cross the road?'

Not much money, glory, or praise

'Honey, what's wrong?! Why are you crying?'

Mother pushes twins on a double-decker swing.

'Don't be surprised if he throws that life preserver at you. I got him at a rescue shelter.'

Mother racing to work for a company with day care and a health club.

Cleaner playing pool with brush.

Fathers are Heroes

'Well at least your washing up arm is O.K!'

'I was going to text you an apology for medical negligence ... but my phone is in there.'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

Sports Lawyers

'He's got his shoes on the wrong feet again.'

"I went through hell to get them adopted."

"Being a mum is a full-time job."

"Where would young families be without grandparents as unpaid childminders?"

The four freedoms: freedom to bark, freedom from fetching, freedom to sleep on any piece of furniture, freedom from leashes.

'When the bough broke, did the daycare center's insurance rates go up?'

Mind them while I go shopping and I'll give you 50 bucks extra!

'I haven't been campaigning for a creche all these years for nothing - you're going!'

'I came untucked.'

''Honor thy father and thy mother'? -- What about custody disputes?'

Birthdays were always better at Mom's.

'What I like most about my mom is that she always supersizes her hugs.'

"I'm not surprised that lady's so fat. . . The baby's been blowing her up for hours."

"The custody battle could go on for months, and cost you a small fortune. Why don't you just buy yourself ANOTHER dog?"

'You like that? Okay, ONE MORE TIME! The wheels on the bus go round and round!...'

Lawyer's in and out boxes say pro bono & anti bono.