Custody Case Connoisseur T-Shirts

'Guess what? The judge awarded ME custody in today's two child custody cases!'

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"OK, last time: Cado teak lounge chair from Denmark – me. Doggy bed – you."

"Well, it's disappointing: Young Master seems to use the term 'best friend' for anybody who pays him the slightest attention..."

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

"I'm afraid the price would make him toss and turn all night for months!"

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

'Billy! Set your homework aside and get down here. There's another basketball recruiter here to see you.'

"That will be the gold standard by which all other naps are judged."

Pre-Winter Ennui-'Hon, did you have the furnace checked?'

Bats with blankets.

"Just think how much we could save if we switched the heating off altogether."

J W D Butterworth chief accountant - Pin-stripes made of numbers

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

A stripe of stockbrokers

"You got custody of us, mommy, because you're the very best attorney picker."

"My kitchen is very small. Do you have any with doors that swing in?"

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

'It has a zip-out lining in case of a mild winter.'

'I know, I left the electric blanket on too long.'

'This closet needs digitized.'

"I see you're really adapting to the corporate jungle."

'And this is the walk-in clos..' - 'We'll take it!!'

"There's nothing like dog-walking for making new friends...."

'Your baseball card has more value than you do.'

"I've always been a gnome body."

"Remember when all we had was lots of little pillows?"

'I guess you'd call it a queer request. He wants his ashes put in a fruit jar and hidden in the closet.'

'I like your style. I think we can do business together.'

'Your wife gets custody of the children, and you get custody of the babysitter.'

"What kind of moviemaking do we want to reinforce?"

"I can't feel my legs."