Closet Connoisseur T-Shirts

'And this is the walk-in clos..' - 'We'll take it!!'

'I guess you'd call it a queer request. He wants his ashes put in a fruit jar and hidden in the closet.'

"Should I wear my usual pants, or the same pants but newer?"

'This closet needs digitized.'

"Deidre, I'm suing you for joint custody of our closet."

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

Shoe addict.

'At least we look cool. Especially with the wind chill factor.'

"Honey, I can't go to the gym today. I feel too out-of-shape."

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

'Anorak anoraks'.

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

"You won't believe this but I haven't a thing to wear"

Binge Watch

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

"Goal!"

"C'mon, you can do this! Be the sock!"

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

"Milk does a body good but champagne does it better!"

"I wish I could lay there all day watching funny cat videos..."

Workout clothes: 'One size fits none.'

Maria had always said you could never have too many shoes. Actually, she was wrong.

File Cabinets for Perfectionists

"I really like this one – but I'm afraid of getting hurt again."

"Baldo, do you have a summer reading list?"

"That will be the gold standard by which all other naps are judged."

Hat Boxes, in the Closet

Bats with blankets.

Curtains haberdashery

I don't want to go out, I just want to stay in.

Pre-Winter Ennui-'Hon, did you have the furnace checked?'

"I hope he's wearing pants."

"Just think how much we could save if we switched the heating off altogether."

"I see a couch."