Custody Battle Gifts

Rabbit Divorces: 'No you get custody.'

"Who'd you prefer to live with son?"

'Guess what? The judge awarded ME custody in today's two child custody cases!'

''Honor thy father and thy mother'? -- What about custody disputes?'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

"Et tu, Baxter?"

Lawyer: 'She got the house, he got the money, and somehow, I ended up with the kid.'

'I'm called A, this is my little brother B, and when our parents talk they just say *!@**$!!'

'Your wife gets custody of the children, and you get custody of the babysitter.'

"Okay, these are the documents we need to sue your ex for child support, and if we can convince the court it's not too out off line, to have the words, 'lying, cheating b*****d' tattooed on his forehead."

"Your wife gets the kids. . . and you get custody of the mortgage."

"Damn it! I wanted the couch, not the kids!"

Tug of war.

"Oh come on, already! One of you has to take custody of the children!"

"Darling of course Mummy and Daddy still love each other. Just much much much less than before."

"She got custody of the kids."

Guardianship of minors

"Her lawyers were very good."

"I could only get you visiting rights on Sundays to wash the car."

'You can have custody of the kids as long as I get custody of the money!'

'What d'you mean I've won custody of the children - what children?'

'He can have custody of the kids as long as I have access to his bank account at weekends.'

'The problem is that since the divorce, I only see Little Master every second weekend...'

'Sorry. I forgot it was my weekend to have the kids.'

'It's hard. I have to be a mother and father to them. Excpt on weekends when Eric has to be a father and mother to them.'

'I got custody of the kids.'

A man and woman fight over their baby.

Divorce proceedings

"Mr. Smith, do you want custody of your children or not?"

"Sorry, I must let you go, your Mom won you in the takeover bid."

"The custody battle could go on for months, and cost you a small fortune. Why don't you just buy yourself ANOTHER dog?"

"I'm sorry, Jim. Due to a paperwork error, you now have custody of my kids."

"You got custody of us, mommy, because you're the very best attorney picker."

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

'Let's see what the employment tribunal has to say about that, shall we?'