Curriculum Connoisseur Gifts

"I said 'I quit'. Nobody listens to me any more."

"But I see you're having difficulty following my argument."

GPC needs to make its new formula foolproof.

Why Cupid is not allowed to drink alcohol anymore...

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

"The principal has sat in on so many of my classes, I'm thinking of giving him the exam."

I'd like to talk about absenteeism.

'If content is king, why doesn't anybody want to pay for it.'

Don't you worry JB, everything is fine here.

25¢ Ride the Pony

'Would the person who's inhaling the very life out of this meeting please stop it right now?'

'He has a very open mind. Everything goes in one ear and out the other.'

Go on! Pick a card.

"History test? But I studied all night for a math test!"

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

STRIP Hambone: Computer addict

'Oh-oh- planned obsolescence!'

Snow White and the Seven Dorks.

"Well, for starters, Matt has been showing definite improvement in risk-taking."

"According to our eye tracking studies,either nobody is looking at the content on our site, or all the participants have lazy eye."

Note to viewers: we've cut back on sexual content by replacing it with violence.

Due to obsessive and intrusive attention by the Media, this news conference will be cancelled

'Who are you and what do you want?'

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

"Don't rush me, I've got to get it right!"

Laptop/mousetrap.

'Quick - tell me something about yourself not on your resume that will snap you into focus.'

"No, you don't get incentive pay for Billy Vincent."

"This wasn't me, it was the bottle talking."

"These days, professor it's "T.V. punditry or perish.""

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'