Current Events Nerd Pillows

British savings accounts

Schengen

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

National Everything Awareness Day

Donald Trump Removing Aggressor Label From Vladimir Putin

Israel/Palestine Conflict

"The best part is that we got hell to pay for it."

Health Advisory: Flint Water has lead, Ann Arbor water has dioxane.

"Congratulations, Trumpism. It's ot often we initiate a new horseman."

Turkish Democracy

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

"Everyone stay calm, if we don't upset it maybe it won't start shooting."

Danae's Career Plans: 'The major product manufactured today is punditry, so I'm honing my argumentative skills to work my way to the top of the blow hard industry..my goal is to become a spin ninja...'

Roe v. Wade

Armageddon

"Hey...look...I'm prepared to admit that I might have been wrong, but...I think it's time to draw a line under it... and y'know...move on..."

New Flavors at Where's the Scoop Ice Cream

Russia Money Laundering

"As I see it, 'Crazy politics' - like not voting on a supreme court nominee - is better than a complete government shutdown."

"Rescue...we've come to join you."

Twitter censorship

'Apologists today said little white lies -- but not the big lie -- may have played a part in Iraq Policies....'

Reporter #6: television.

'Not a word to Alfred, but the spare bedroom is worth losing the fourteen pounds!'

"New court filings. Totally clears the President. Thank you." "Actually, sir, it, uh, says you did crime and might go to jail."

"You don't even need to lie down on the therapy couch! Any therapy would be totally senseless, Mr. Putin!"

"Sir, multiple people were stabbed by a terrorist in..."

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

Denazification

"Do you think the 'Taliban' is: (a) a cellphone company; (b) a deodorant (c) a terrorist company