Current Events Chuckler Gifts

'Can you let me have five till Obama bails us all out, sir?'

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

STRIP Hambone: Computer health analysis

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

'Hey buddy, what happened to your hair?'

"The sky is falling - I just heard it from a very reliable source!"

Kim Jong Un Riding Nuclear Missile

'Bless you!'

'I say we rendition the snow to Guantanamo!'

Excerpts from the Comey memos

"I couldn't afford the gas for my car, so I robbed a bank but the police caught me because my car was out of gas."

"He says masks are mandatory to enter. Should we try the other place instead?"

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

"Sport on top, a little politics at the sides and news.. "

"I've found it the easiest way to administer nose drops!"

"I just talked to Grunzman on the phone when he called in sick...I fear he really has got something very, very highly contagious!"

"I came with a return ticket, but I don't think it's EVER going to come about. . ."

"Some say the world will end in noodles, some say in rice."