Currency Jester Pillows

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

Why markets crash.

"That new drug causes flatulence."

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

Bad Interview Technique

'In this class you will learn to apply the talents of creative writing to accounting.'

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

'All right, gentlemen, this is the current picture of our growth industry!'

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

"We need a market icon that reflects the ridiculous market conditions..."

'Wait a minute....!

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

'The hard hats? In case of falling interest rates.'

Investments.

"You gave us quite a scare there Mr. Edwards! We thought we lost your credit card information."

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

'So, they weren't interested in your Robin Hood tax then.'

"Now, where was I?"

'I'm a 100% consistent investor. I buy bonds when I should buy stocks when I should buy bonds.'

'I guess you could say we're a 'faith-based' company. Everyone worships the dollar around here.'

'Dear sir, every month we place all bills in a big pile on the table, and select six at random for payment...'

'With the economy the way it is, there's no silver lining. In fact we sold that last week!'

"I recommend you invest in oil. Prices are down now, but auto leaks are up."

10 Days Without an Interest Rate Change

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."

'I bet he gets a better rate of interest than me!'

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

'I hate to tell you this, but there was a hole in my pocket, and I lost the budget surplus.'

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

'Today the Yuan rose against the pork belly, the chicken beak, the eel, the wanton, and the egg noodle.'

"Of course we're not in a recession. No one has even jumped out of a window."

'I didn't have time to cut the lawn, so I used your credit card to have it carpeted. Do you like the cool color I picked out?'