Curious Alchemist Gifts

Chemistry

Circa 1928, The Reese's Candy laboratory.

"You say it all the time, so I climbed every tree to prove it. You were right, money doesn't grow on trees."

'I know about the birds and the bees. Tell me about the bears and the bulls.'

Computer: 'There are some things it is better not to know.'

"But until I do transmute lead into gold, maybe I could interest you in some lovely lead jewelry."

"Then what happened?"

"Yes, that's the tree with all the squirrels from yesterday. And no, I don't know where they are today."

Bookshop: Unpopular Economics

'There are two types of alchemy - there's organic and there's inorganic.'

'You have received a grant from the king - his secret incantation to chant over your experiments.'

'It's an experiment to stop time.'

'Thank goodness for clumsy children: A spilt ice-cream!'

Plasma Ball

Alice's interest in photography grew, during her stay in Wonderland.

'All I wanted to know is if that word was naughty.'

"I don't know, it's just the whole Dark Ages thing. It's got me down."

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

'Quickly boy, tell me which test tube you drank from?!'

'I'm inventing an acid that eats through anything.'

"Some genetic engineers we turned out to be!"

'Just for kicks, let's come up with something that has a good side effect.'

'...the side effects of this designer drug are more beneficial than it's intended use!'

'I'm trying to turn gold into gasoline.'

"I feel so seen right now."

"You'd be amazed how just a little soybean meal adds to the protein content of powdered bats wing and next tails."

'This is the one - we want you to pray for this one.'

"This is quite a surprising discovery."

'Periodic table and avoirdupois weight of the Mendeleev family'

"Maybe we should have tried it on the rats first."

Chemical term for an unpleasant family of maladjusted alkanes.

'Mom, am I store-bought or homemade?'

'I don't like being a crash dummy either but there are some jobs humans won't do.'

'Why Isaac Newton kept returning to alchemy...' 'There's just no money in gravity.'

'...then add some of the yellow powder to those blue crystals, heat it for a while, and see how you like it.'