Cunning Linguist T-Shirts

Wordplay: Nonstarter.

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

The Trojan Beagle.

Turtle Hat

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

"Works every time."

"So you can tweet. That's why you have to learn the alphabet."

Artichoking victim

"Tongue twisters! These are hard to say! A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk."

"I attempted to circumvent the traditional trappings of a teen furlough...but I was thwarted by my czar-ish parental unit."

'Once a donzel, the dyvour now settled for orts.'

"I think I've eaten something that hasn't agreed with me."

Heart To Heart

"Standard equipment includes the Manual Anti-Collision Sonic Warning System...otherwise known as the horn."

Back Down

'Today I learned a little grammar in the classroom and LOTS of vocabulary on the playground!'

Cut A Rug

'I just don't get that guy. Sometimes he sits with us... sometimes he doesn't.'

'I don't trust that guy.'

It's not like you to be late... Forgot to set my alarm cock. (Alarm cock? What did you say that for?!)

Fish Fishing in the Fisherman's Bait.

"No need to rush back to work. The office lad is doing your job."

"There are several regional dialects to the Arabic language. Right now we're learning the falafel sandwich shop dialect."

"Don't worry about digging under the chicken coop fence: I have a bolt-cutter..."

Danaelect: 'Danaelect is only for the smartest and coolest people, so anyone who's not using it should just be ignored.'

"Now, don't worry about the shepherd's fire: I'll take care of it..."

"They say you're good with forgeries?"

Polish Alphabet Soup.

"Baldo and I went fifty-fifty on it. But he doesn't know that yet."

Not So Speedy Gonzales.

It would've worked too, if his idiot partner hadn't switched on the exhaust fan.

"I get it's funny that my name is Cliff, but whe you say 'ironic' you actually want us to use 'coincidental'."