Cultural History Fan Gifts

"Dr. Livingstone will see you now."

"Sadie, I just heard they discovered lots of ancient cities buried hundreds of years ago in the jungles of Cambodia. They've each got weird geometric patterns outlining what may have been gardens. But no one really knows what they were used for. I guess what I'm asking you is... what were they used for? Y'know, since you were there to see them in their prime. They were used for ritual sacrifices of dullards. For educational purposes, I shall now perform one."

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

'It's an extinction notice.'

"I made you a mixtape."

Frederic Chopin

43AD: Romans invade Britain.

"Bonk!"

"I don't care if it's more bouncy - it threatens the integrity of the game."

Hey, dad, do you think we could play something besides "catch"?

Troys'R'Us.

'Don't worry it's organic...'

"Perhaps it wasn't so wise to bring Frosty along!"

'Those were the days, eh Grandpa?'

Oedipus

"Poor dear, she's just discovered all these years she's been the muse for a plagiarist."

Young costermonger trying to sell to a gentleman.

Maypole

'We started the extension then the property market collapsed.'

Professor Ernie's history of philosophy. Rene Descartes had a difficult childhood. I think, therefore I am! I know you are, but what am I?!

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

'Yes, the colours are wonderful. But he only does five pages per month, and he doesn't support PostScript.'

"You ever get the feeling the posse's starting to lose focus?"

Saint Patrick

Let's hear a cheer for the sun god! Ra Ra Ra.

The Race to Ukraine

'Et tu Yakamoto?'

Ed Revere, Spam Courier

'He followed me home. Can I keep him?'

Samuel Pepys' writer's block

"So we're agreed—free will exists, unless there are treats."

"I still liked it better when it was the Colosseum."

Little boy dragon