Cultivated Classicist T-Shirts

"I wanted something classical, he wanted a vegetable garden, so we compromised..."

Venus

'Where was the TSA?'

Archimedes statue with a lever

Playdough's The Republic

A surprise in heaven

'The next piece contains sex, violence, and Homeric epithets.'

Scene from 'Night of the Koala'

"I miss the Augean stables."

'Why can't we just kick Caesar upstairs?'

'The classic masks of Comedy and Tragedy, or as they're now known, emoticons.'

'Caesar salad?'

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

Tragedy/Schadenfreude

"The sign ruins our surprise attack, but it's a big OSHA fine if we don't have it."

Sisyphus and coronavirus

Bedtime in Ancient Greece

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

Souvenirs.

"I've been reading a book of famous quotations. It's amazing how many are by a famous Greek named Anonymous."

Martin Scorsese Roasts Your Fandom

"Is there a way to disable Narcissus' self-view?"

Take a break, Archimedes. A nice soak in the bath will work wonders.

"Hail, Caesar! The barbarians have been beaten back, and Rome is still Numero Uno."

Romans.

The fierce urgency of now - and how to avoid it.

'Oi! Man is not a political animal in here!'

'Mum, I don't care what these nasty kids say about my brothers Romulus and Remus being adopted: I love them all the same...'

To the Greeks' dismay, before the Trojans discovered the horse it was stolen by portcullis pirates.

'Honey, I'm Rome!'

Vesta

PHARMACY, 'Tell Hippocrates to write his prescriptions in Greek -- I can't read Babylonian!'

"Thanks for inventing the god Dionysus. Now the whole country has a reason to drink more wine."