Cult Leader Gifts

'Our cults are very similar, but we're also allowed to talk about squirrels and eat toast.'

"After the Great Seagull Reincarnation, we'll spend eternity stealing sandwiches and defecating as we please."

'Cult? What makes you think it's a cult?'

Butterfly Woman

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

"Women Supporting Women!"

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

"I can motivate everyone except myself."

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

Leadership suits you

The Ascent of Woman

"What was I thinking?!"

Go! Means NOW!

"Home depot."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"Oh, ah, sorry!"

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

"My making two million a year, …. It doesn't make me seem 'Mannish', does it?"

"I was young and cocky because I wasn't aware of my shortcomings. Now I'm old and cocky because I can't remember what they are."

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

Changing Minds

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

'I'm sure he was a great guy, but there's a new Pharaoh in town.'

'Same here, we have a female C.E.O., too.'

'I give this one about three months...'

"He thought this would illustrate the company hierarchy more clearly than the organizational chart."

"Take us to your inclusive leader."

'Truth is fine, but I really need marketable ideas.'

"That's six 'noes' and one 'aye', the ayes have it"

'I like it but frankly, I had something more substantial in mind.'

'Well, nobody can say you haven't grown in office.'

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'