Culinary Quirk T-Shirts

"My parents are really upset. I'm dating a guy who's not microwave and dishwasher safe."

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

"Everything tastes better when it's cooked on the grill."

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

'I think I'll go home and eat'

Bangers and Mash

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

'I know! It's what I had last night for dinner.'

GMOs: The Next Generation

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

'How is the water prepared?'

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

Stupid Microwave

Amy Sedaris

Kentucky Fried Horse

'Can I have a Banana-Split' without the ice-cream?'

"So, I went into this fancy new butcher shop and they were selling ostrich of all things!"

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

"Tastes great, less killing!"

"Is it me, or would a dung beetle taste really good right now?"

"Hi, Honey. For dinner we're having Shis Kabob."

'Just add eggs. That sounds easy.'

'Today's special is yesterday's left-overs.'

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

'White beetroot?' 'I bleached them.'

Chef: 'Howz that Octopus coming along Jeff?'

"It's something I made myself - chocolate covered veggies."

'It's a spork!'

"That's a toaster. It's a tanning bed for bread."

"Be right with you - just need to call for a tow truck and change today's 'Catch of the Day' to venison."

Artichoking victim

'Ralph, I'm gonna' need wings on the fly!'

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.

At the Periodic Picnic Table of the Elements