Culinary Ponderer Gifts

"Hold on ... I think a table's about to open up."

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Like death by salad.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

Try to guess the continent dining...

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

'Strained carrots again! What am I being punished for this time?'

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

Our visit to the flan factory.

Sauce for the Goose

Important Food Groups

French wine

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

Before/After

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'Burl says it only works with corn though if you want to try it.'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

Leaning Wine Bottle of Pisa

"I come here for the pepper."

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."