Culinary Mystic T-Shirts

"I'm sorry it's not what you ordered, but the chef works in mysterious ways."

'My compliments to the chef!'

Fortune teller in restaurant says to waiter: 'I'll have the soup of tomorrow, please.'

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'

"Maybe if we added some pumpkin spice?"

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

The Witches Discover The Wok

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

"Just a pinch, Helga ... spicy eye of newt doesn't agree with me."

"Did you remove the bay leaf?"

'Stop him, he's got the receipe.' Duck running away

"Namasteak"

"You think you're so damn Cordon Bleu!"

'Marmaduke, have you been drooling on my cookbooks again?'

'Nobody does curses like Gordon Ramsay.'

'Eggs, I'm cooking eggs!'

I mean, do I set the oven at 400'? 450'? How long do I keep them in? Do I turn them halfway through cooking? Oh, if only children came with instructions.

'Creme brulee! You're the best Mum!'

'When does the fridge go on a diet?'

"It's the Chef Surprise."

"It's a little bland, because I microwaved it."

"Cheer up! There's a magic ingredient that makes it easy to eat vegetables...CHEESE SAUCE!"

"All I've got left is smoked."

'This is Muriel's kitchen, where the magic happens -- you know, Voodoo and stuff like that.'

'The food inspector, Sir!'

"You're not even dressed?"

'The cauldron is just for the sauce - I do the rest in my microwave.'

"They're magic beans, mum. They don't give you gas."

Witch making a brew with Gluten, Nuts, Trans Fats, BGH, GMOs...

Wow. That was a lot faster. (Published originally on October 20, 2011.)

Coven ready - Witch in supermarket with a 'coven ready' chicken

Woman planning dinner party.

"You know, Mark, your tabouli salad makes us look bad."

Clandestine Cuisine