Culinary Mafioso T-Shirts

'Sure, we pay them for protection but there are unexpected bonuses: nobody can tenderise veel like Luigi or slice beef as fine as Vinny.'

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'

Quartet of chefs.

The Huge-Underground Vat theory of why all wonton soup tastes exactly the same.

Man with a pizza in 'Lover's Lane.'

'We're going to look pretty stupid if it's not a Michelin star.'

This is your last warning, Jimmy - You break your pinky promise, we break your pinky.

Spatula Conductor

"Try and push the eye of newt and wing of bat casserole."

"Waiter!"

Lobster a la Riseholme!

"Sure we could just print out the specials, but the chef doesn't want to leave a paper trail."

"Mr. Boyd, are you charged with stealing from Bob's bakery. How do you plead?"

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"After you read the menu, eat it."

Salad Bowl Drum

'What can you whip up real quick? We're eating on the run today.'

'I hope you don't mind sleeping with the fishes, Mister Scarponi?'

"Maybe it's time to go through that mail, huh, Godfather?"

"Of course there will be enough dinner for you Mother."

Ingredients for a successful family dinner

'Take no notice, I fired him ten minutes ago.'

'She's just seeing if the alphabetti spaghetti's ready.'

Cooking is like composing orchestral music - combining different elements into something harmonious and beautiful. Unfortunately this is an unfinished symphony.

'The Raffia Mafia.'

Pianist with Knife and Fork.

'Sign this non-disclosure agreement ? I'm going to use a secret recipe.'

Observe, Prepare, Act

"It would be cool if we cooked up a couple of these at your place where nobody could see us."

"I'll be your maitre D# this evening."

"My mom really works at keeping my lunches interesting!"

Thanksgiving Dinner Highlights

"Of course I got rid of the body. Don't you follow me on Twitter?"

'And make it look like an accident.'