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Recipes From The "I Really, REALLY Hate To Cook" Cookbook

Gone To Hospital.

"Darling, sorry to bother you, but the steak won't fit into the toaster..."

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

"Well, he promised you the moon and stars."

A couple dressed as a knife and a fork

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

"Karen's idea of wine reduction..."

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

"Don't worry about it now, but I'll need that hook back when you're done."

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

My old recipes have so many food stains they're practically scratch and sniff.

"I warned you not to use parts from the microwave oven, to mend the electric blanket...."

"On. More. Try."

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"Mrs. Simpson would like the recipe for your 'delicious steak pie', dear. Do you think you could dig the packet out of the recycling tub?"

"It's a recipe from the 'Anti-Christ' cookbook."

'I bet those are the accident reports.'

'So why do you need a ladder to eat a pancake'

'To her...the basic 4 food groups are canned, frozen, fast and delivered.'

'Sorry about that - Lenny accidentally used jumping beans.'

"Cooking Tip # 23: If at first you don't succeed, feed it to the cat."

"What better way to start your day than to eat and pray before we play!"

"Simple tasks were a challenge for Chad. Awww, geez. Another upside down spoon."

"Rosalie's signature chicken dish is simplicity itself."

Horse meat scandal.

'And I've teamed that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager.'

'Did you follow a recipe book for this dish?'

'We'll have to eat out tonight -- I misplaced a decimal point in the cookbook.'

'Wow- you're one helluva great cook! Even the stuff you ordered from the delivery store is burned!'

'Why can't I make my pastry light?'

'Trying to eat her dinners is the only exercise I get.'

"Just keep your eyes closed - it'll only upset you."

"I'm here to fix the lasagne."