Culinary Introvert T-Shirts

"I'll have the lonely bastard platter for one please!"

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

Lockdown casserole

The Origins of Everything

Man sitting and reading 'Joy of Take Out' book surrounded by take out boxes.

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'As far as we know, no one who has eaten our genetically-modified food has turned into a creature or anything.'

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

'Openly sobbing, or non-openly sobbing?'

Writer and his Muse on a cookout.

'Cook is a musician. Improvises. Never makes the same thing twice.'

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"While the chef's dishes tonight are rather bland, his ideas are fresh and appealing."

Cooking With Pollock.

'Dinner in tumble dryer - gone to see therapist!'

Armstrong, an unmarked truck just delivered a pallet of mystery meat. Turkey. It doesn't look like turkey. It looks more like some sort of dehydrated pigeon. What's it matter? If we slap it in a sandwich, smother it in "gravy," and label it "turkey," customers won't know the difference. Wait, did you just think quotes around the word gravy? "no."

Ambitions...To Eat My Words: "Lobster, Fllet Steak, Peaches in Brandy."

"I've been a chef for far too long...."

At the Lobster Mill, every night is an open casket.

Thanksgiving Game Highlights

'A sandwich?'

"Sure, pal, whatever you say. Ha ha! The salmon is fresh."

"I'll get the onion soup... it's the only thing on the menu that I don't know why it's bad for me!"

"Then there was the dream where I woke up in a pool of melted butter."

"Just keep your eyes closed - it'll only upset you."

Eating raw cake mix.

"The recipe? Well, there's lentils, garlic, tofu, and a pinch of our illegal secret ingredient."

'Try the fish. It's brain food.'

'I just need enough to send my Dad to cookery lessons!'

Beth realized she wasn't such a great cook the night she tried to make an apple pie. 'Wow! Now that is good meatloaf!'

'So this is a kitchen!'

'Now a lot of people throw the wax away, but if you can get yourself a can of Cheez Whiz, you can have fancy treats all night long!'