Culinary Defense Pillows

Tired of repeatedly having her lunch stolen from the breakroom refrigerator, Debbie sprayed her bag with artificial Rotted-Lunch Scent.

Frank moonlights as a Grill Sergeant.

Soup of the month.

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

Garden.

Too much cilantro

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"Hmm...I LOVE chocolate chip ice cream...!"

"He was WOK-ing in a winter wonderland."

I love Cannelloni

Holiday Supplies

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"Number 2. Step forward please."

"Please don't kill me."

This is Dr. Sadie, what's your question, caller? I just found out my wife got a bonus at work. But instead of buying gifts for my mother and my six brothers, she flew to Maui and sent me a photo of herself eating a seven-course meal. Stop whining. She's given you the best gift a spouse can give ... Something to hold over her head for the rest of your lives. Well ... There is that, I guess.

Kiss the Commander in Chef

Victorian Fast Food - 'I'll have the lark pie festooned with eels, a full stilton, two bottles of port,,,'

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

"Marions nous! Tu payes les impôts, j'offre le resto!"

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

Mayo-A-Mayo

Junior Masterchef - "Darren Smith and I'll be cooking chicken nuggets with Mars bars in a CocaCola sauce"

The perfect man

"What the heck did I do with that leftover turkey?!"

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

"Cut down on the pumpkin spice."

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"