Culinary Comedians Gifts

The Last Thanksgiving

'I wanted a burial service, he wanted cremation, so I decided to compromise and have him clambaked.'

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

'Stan, you can still pick up that food! Due to the economy, the five second rule had been modified to eight seconds.'

'92 elements in the Universe and you always have to chuck the compound NaCl all over your dinner!'

If I'd wanted a bushel of baked beans, I would have beckoned Bobby Bigsby!.. Pickled peppers, Peter! I asked you to pick up a peck of pickled pepper!

Never mix business and pleasure.

"It would be nice if we had marriage equality within our marriage."

'The food here is very good - a little oily, but good.'

No Poaching! Scrambling, Frying or Boiling.

'You want a pizza with everything? -- Do you comprehend the philosophical implications of that?

'I don't know why the son of a woman whose cooking melts in your mouth needs strong teeth.'

'Darling, does your Swiss army knife have a garlic press?'

'On second thoughts I think I'll have salad.'

'Hi, we're salt and pepper, your condiments for the evening.'

"Yes, sir, there's a fly in your soup... There's a fly in everybody's soup!"

The BLTR (the bacon, lettuce, tomato, revolution)

Restaurant being taken over by a Japanese conglomerate

Wife is reading a book intitled 'Meals in 5 minutes', husband is reading a book about 'Divorce in 5 days'.

'Something new for Sunday lunch today - Corned-beef sandwiches!'

"Looks like your rock cakes are a big hit this year, dear...."

Baby Formula, Just Add Water.

First Church of Cuisine - Now serving wine, communion, wafers and cheese.

Loser!

"Yes, this perfume does make you smell scrumptious, but. . ."

The age old dilemma: fry it or diet?

'Red Indian blood.' 'Smoke signals.' Food burning.

'I'm a hot crusty baguette - eat me!' - (Helen and Ben love to Roll-Play in the bedroom)

"What's the special occasion?"

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

'I'll just have the soup and the nuts. Skip everything in between.'

BUS, 'I asked Muriel for a hot breakfast, and she microwaved a bowl of corn flakes.'

I'll have the tossed salad.

Church of the Low-Carbs

'Dear Mum and Dad, sorry we had to leave, couldn't stand another one of those bloodly stock cubes'