Culinary Caretaker T-Shirts

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'How many spoons do you need to feed a baby?'

Frank moonlights as a Grill Sergeant.

Squirrels Stockpiling Mulling Spices for Winter

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

"I've had it with you guys! From now on, have your arguments on your own time!"

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

The Cat Spa

'Settle an argument. Which is better incessant barking or meowing?'

Kiss the Commander in Chef

'Who ordered the shark?.' '

Doctor uses thermometer to check chicken.

'I really hate cleaning this thing.'

"Before you go anywhere, did you lick behind your ears?"

"There's no money in your uncle's will. You are, however, directed to maintain his 5 cats and Facebook account."

"Pie chart"

"You're looking remarkably well done today."

"A little lamb please."

'I used to have a regular restaurant, but it kept burning down.'

"Well, there's your problem right there -- you need to sauté the onions in white wine before adding the ginger."

Elevator buttons : Rare, Medium, Well done.

'His Trout Almondine Veal Cordon Blue in mushroom sauce was crudely seasoned.'

"At last! Something that goes well with us!"

"Is the slop fresh?"

"Things were going along great with Greg and me, and then the 'Diceman' returned."

The First Roast Chicken.

"I've been a chef for far too long...."

"The woman who ordered the poulet chasseur would like to come in and rap about it."

'...or, if you're watching your cholesterol, we also have thousand-year-old egg substitutes.'

French suppers.

"And here is the quality control department for our deviled eggs."

"Things that make me feel better/Things I'm too tired to do......Things that make me feel worse/Things I do when I'm tired.

"Your lasagna was dismal, as was the coffee, but you, Sofi, are fabulous at Pictionary!"

'Careful. The plates are extremely cold.'