Culinary Caretaker T-Shirts

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'How many spoons do you need to feed a baby?'

Frank moonlights as a Grill Sergeant.

Squirrels Stockpiling Mulling Spices for Winter

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

"I've had it with you guys! From now on, have your arguments on your own time!"

Kiss the Commander in Chef

The Cat Spa

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

'Settle an argument. Which is better incessant barking or meowing?'

Doctor uses thermometer to check chicken.

"Before you go anywhere, did you lick behind your ears?"

'Who ordered the shark?.' '

"Pie chart"

"You're looking remarkably well done today."

"A little lamb please."

"Well, there's your problem right there -- you need to sauté the onions in white wine before adding the ginger."

'I used to have a regular restaurant, but it kept burning down.'

Elevator buttons : Rare, Medium, Well done.

'His Trout Almondine Veal Cordon Blue in mushroom sauce was crudely seasoned.'

"At last! Something that goes well with us!"

"Your lasagna was dismal, as was the coffee, but you, Sofi, are fabulous at Pictionary!"

'...or, if you're watching your cholesterol, we also have thousand-year-old egg substitutes.'

"And here is the quality control department for our deviled eggs."

The First Roast Chicken.

"I've been a chef for far too long...."

"Things that make me feel better/Things I'm too tired to do......Things that make me feel worse/Things I do when I'm tired.

French suppers.

"Is the slop fresh?"

'Careful. The plates are extremely cold.'

"The woman who ordered the poulet chasseur would like to come in and rap about it."