Culinary Canine Pillows

"I need some assistance here."

"First rules of chef school: no serving table scraps, and if food falls on the floor, leave it."

Raw food, after you leave for work.

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"Is that all they taught him at obedience school? How to use a can opener?"

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

'I'll have toast and he'll have a complete dog's breakfast.'

'I had no idea there were so many types of dog treats.'

"For what he is about to receive may the dog be truly thankful."

"You're spoiling that dog again!"

"We need to put in more bones."

Dog Chow Mein

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

"Kibbled, canned and frozen were non-starters. But he'll often accept a ice ribeye as long as it's been properly dry aged."

"So, what's it to be, chicken unfit for human consumption, or beef unfit for human consumption?"

'You're lucky you can't read.'

Posh dog views expensive food and wine.

"Let's see . . . I detect beef . . . peas . . . and a subtle hint of sweet potato!"

'I don't care if top breeders do recommend it - I am not going to eat dog food!'

'Sure, it's a nice buffet, but I can't help thinking it's a bit morbid...'

'That's not exactly what I had in mind.'

'I'm taking the leftovers home, so suggest something my dog will enjoy.'

"Look, I’m sorry - it’s not Asian fusion night!"

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?"

"Could we have a doggy bag please?"

"That tasted like s**t. We'll have another order of it."

John envied his friends who worked at the local chocolate company

'You're lucky you can't read.'

Dog Food: Lick & Collect

'See what happens when you let him cook.'

'Of course you have a choice. You can have it in your bowl...or on the floor...what's it to be, Mister Choosey?'

"I've got a complaint about the table scraps you are feeding me...cut down on the fatty tissues...I'm gaining weight!"

"Some dehydrated corn and bone meal for the gentleman, perhaps?"

"Your 'presentation' could use some work."