Culinary Canine Controller Gifts

"Down."

Raw food, after you leave for work.

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

Am Awful Crammer.

"Is that all they taught him at obedience school? How to use a can opener?"

Dog Day Afternoon

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

'I had no idea there were so many types of dog treats.'

"Pretty good dog, huh, Larry?"

"OK, hands up who’s vegan... lactose intolerant... peanut allergies..."

A woman's work is never done!

"We need to put in more bones."

"You're spoiling that dog again!"

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

Recipes.

Dog Food Pyramid. Meat. Scraps.

"Kibbled, canned and frozen were non-starters. But he'll often accept a ice ribeye as long as it's been properly dry aged."

"So, what's it to be, chicken unfit for human consumption, or beef unfit for human consumption?"

I was allowed to chew this. But not that

'This is Ed down the street. Your dog is doing his business on my lawn again.'

'You reach an age where shredded homework is a lot easier to digest.'

'Hello? Animal control?'

'To cook is to dare!'

'Say hon, the pizza's burning...'

"General Tso and his chicken"

'I'm taking the leftovers home, so suggest something my dog will enjoy.'

"Let's see . . . I detect beef . . . peas . . . and a subtle hint of sweet potato!"

'Fruits, vegetables, meat, eggs and cooked beans! He gets a better dinner than I do!'

Alexander the Greater.

"You were right, Mom. The new leash has really cured her pulling problem."

"You're training puppy to be housebroken? Looks like she already knows how to break a house!"

"That tasted like s**t. We'll have another order of it."

"I need some assistance here."

'See what happens when you let him cook.'