Culinary Canine Comedy Gifts

'Rubber pork chops. Excellent choice, Sir. With or without squeakers?'

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"No no, I said sit!!"

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

Tiny dog catches frisbee that spins him around in circles.

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

Wife: 'Ah, honey.....why are you covered in raw fish and rice?' Husband: 'Oh I was running late for the 6:15 and got on a darn sush train by mistake!'

"I'm working from home today."

Rusty starts to have very violent thoughts toward his tail.

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

'Just taking the dog for a walk, Dear.'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

Obedience School Graduation

His Master's Thesis.

Dog in love

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

"....And what's the deal with fetch? You want the stick or don't you? Make up your mind already!"

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

"I finally caught you... now what?"

'Oh, oh, a pack of dogs! Stand still amd maybe they won't notice us.'

Woman leaves dog in rain...he gets into a car to wait in the dry.

Dogs life

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"No I said fetch , not wretch.."

'You're supposed to just lick the cone!'

"Well, that will never be a yoga pose."

"I always get the 'Good Boy.' How about the 'Bad Dog' for a change?"

"I see you mister mail carrier... that's it, just keep walking... don't even think abo—did you just look at my house?! Are you looking for trouble? Cujo ain't got #!@* on me."